It Will Never Happen to Me by Claudia Black

Author:Claudia Black
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Central Recovery Press, LLC
Published: 2020-02-15T00:00:00+00:00

Procrastination

Perfectionism and procrastination are closely linked and people often identify with engaging in both. Procrastination, such as starting but not completing a project or considering a project but never initiating it, is often an attempt to defend against further shame. Some people procrastinate because in the desire to do things perfectly recognize it will never be good enough or their efforts won’t be acceptable, so they stop or find safety in not trying.

For others, they received so little attention that they were not encouraged to initiate projects, let alone complete them. Too many times when they did something, drew a picture or wrote a story, and gleefully showed their mother or father, their parents barely looked at it and then set it aside or maybe even lost it. Without positive reinforcement to complete school projects or homework, children perform with ambivalence. They believe no one else cares and develop the attitude “Why should I care?” The result is procrastination.

It is possible you were humiliated for your efforts, made to feel inadequate or stupid. When that happens you find ways to protect yourself so you cease involvement in any action that would prove you really are a failure. In addition, you become discouraged when constantly compared to someone who did or might have done it better.

My two older brothers did well in school. They were quick to think on their feet and they were articulate. It took me longer to grasp things. I wasn’t as interested in math and sciences as they were. I was more interested in my friends. So, with school being more of a struggle and having no real help from my parents, only the push that “you should be like your brothers,” I just gave up. I wasn’t like them and didn’t want to be. So I just quit trying. I wasn’t going to do it good enough anyway.

Also mixed into procrastination may be anger, expressed as an attitude of “I’ll show you—I won’t finish this” or “I’ll only do it part way. I won’t give my best.” Inherent in this attitude is a challenge that screams, “Like me for who I am, not for what I do.” In a family where rigidity is the rule, where it is not okay to make mistakes, or to not be acknowledged for accomplishments or to have them demeaned, children learn not to initiate or finish what was started. For those raised this way, it is amazing anything gets completed.

If I did something wrong while I was driving, my father would backhand me in the mouth. Needless to say, it wasn’t easy to drive with tears, frustration, and anger. I had four learner’s permits by the time I was eighteen. I was twenty-two before I had enough courage to get my license, and I was twenty-seven before I could drive on the freeway. I still get scared today to try new things. I put them off and in many cases I simply don’t try.

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